Episodes

abstraction helps us grasp the real thing. it’s been a minute. the last time I released an episode was in May- right in the midst of the loss and grief that swallowed me for a while. this is not a grand re-entrance, just a stumbling ramble back into this unending conversation of what it means to see in real time. In this episode I talk about the moment I finally opened my nostalgia now photographic journaling ritual again after the longest hiatus I ever took from it. Through it I rediscove...

The following is my experience over the last 3 months in losing my pregnancy. I’ve repeatedly been told how common it is to have this happen-and yet again, I find myself in a “common” place with such a minimal amount of context for it. Grasping for hands to hold in this hushed common ground has been critical, I hope my voice becomes a hand you’ll never need to hold. get the visual version here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

when I was a little girl, before I had any understanding that most of us never do exactly what we say we want to do, my dad told me if he ever had the chance he would 100% go to the moon. I was absolutely horrified. But even in my panic, even in my steadfast objection- I remember his eyes. Where is the inner space where fear and trepidation get swallowed by enthusiasm/inspiration/life force itself? get the visual podcast delivered to your inbox for free via substack

What happens when we start respecting ALL parts of ourselves- like the exact constellation we are meant to be? What happens when we stop operating from a place of insufficiency or subconscious shame and start living our lives according to our own design? Join the conversation with human design guide & business mentor Sylvia Bbela substack for this episode coming soon: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/ More from Sylvia Bbela : https://www.instagram.com/sylbbela.co/ All things Sylvia her...

But no matter how intensely I feel something, I’m always left with this sensation that there is a trapdoor the feeling didn’t make it through. a forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me… I could cry at a leaf on the fucking ground if I think about it enough. But I cannot escape this feeling that I am not feeling enough. A sensation of some sort of weird disconnect- A severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of elusive satisfying plac...

When I can’t be with myself or what is, I turn to repetition. Why do I listen to the same song over and over and over and over again? Is it because they are saying something I wish I could? Is it because it makes me feel something I can’t muster up for myself? Is it because I’m looking for permission to feel something I haven’t even let myself acknowledge? Why do I watch the same shows over and over and over again? Is it because I want to feel comforted and familiar without having to actua...

Just because art can clarify and illuminate and help you feel through things, doesn't mean that those things resolve or feel complete. The subconscious expectation and unfulfillment of that expectation can do some damage. If this episode feels incomplete it's because I feel incomplete right now and I'm going to let it be incomplete because as you know, I am working on not demanding everything I create to resolve something inside of me. (And ironically, maybe that will resolve everything. lol....

Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. It's all I've ever known. This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt . I grasp for moments like chasing bubbles. Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact… Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE.

Photography has betrayed me. It’s given me an out under the facade of going in. It’s become an emotional to do list too long to ever conquer. Just as I brain dump my ideas and to do tasks onto a paper in an effort for relief and fake accountability, I take pictures when I’m seeing something that feels too much, thinking- I’ll feel this later. My friend asked me the other day in response to my photographic frustration- “can’t that moment be enough? The thisness of that moment and why you phot...

i started baking bread. most might not find that cause for concern- but for me, it’s alarming. 1/3 life crisis? (too old for 1/4, too young for mid) i’m feeling a little refreshingly lost. lost in a way that feels more like freedom than panic. I had a major shift in my headspace after my recent trip to Europe. I'm ready to talk about it. subscribe for free visual podcast episodes

2 weeks away from home. this episode is not yet about my trip, but about the idea of leaving my kids for 2 weeks, re-evaluating home, work, and a life loosened from being constrained by roles. Subscribe to get visual podcast episodes to your inbox. https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/ show notes- more conversation on full time artistry and part time work: FULL TIME ARTIST & part time work w/Morgan Bukovec

i’d rather sleepwalk through the day than sleep through the life that chose to visit me at 3:45am on my birthday. read & subscribe here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

“You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever!” My son screams in panic after an idyllic time eating dinner on the river bank and throwing stones in the water. I found myself telling him, “I understand that you feel panic and upset that we aren’t going to get to do what you want but that doesn't have to take away from the good time you just had. It doesn't have to be a waste.” I'm laughing at my hypocrite self as I'm saying this knowing full well this is probably the num...

Today is about the profound impact of good questions. Introspective questions. The issue is, sometimes we forget to ask ourselves (good/non self deprecating) questions. So, having someone to talk to is really important. *someone who is more concerned with listening than speaking. *someone who is more curious and expansive than lovingly trying to brace you for impact. *someone who has the ability to ask really fucking good questions rather than offer (irrelevant) advice. Really good questi...

My used book called me a hypocrite. I almost didn't record this episode because I had nothing to say. I followed my unproductive instinct and magically found something to say. Your turn...

“if one reaches the point where understanding fails, this is not a tragedy. It is simply a reminder to stop thinking and start looking. Perhaps there is nothing to figure out after all. Perhaps we only need to wake up.” -Thomas Merton Perhaps it’s just a sliver. a nuanced change. from looking to seeing. Let yourself see beyond your eyes. full body seeing. SUBSCRIBE ON SUBSTACK TO GET VISUAL PODCAST EPISODES. This episode is our monthly exploration into personal photographic journalin...

Concoctions: The anti recipe? no. after giving it thought, I realize concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way. (also, can being “for” something stop meaning we have to be “"anti” something else?) ((but to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. lol)) intuitive cooking? based off a lifetime of tasting experiences, thanks to recipes (ironically). okayyyyyyyy. so what’s the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just t...

One day, you will not be here. One day, everything and nothing will matter. One day, the pictures become painfully precious. One day, hindsight will show you the life you could have lived. Right now, you are here. Right now, everything and nothing matters. Right now, the pictures are painfully precious. Your hindsight is available to you now. Your life is available to you now. Live that life now. Whatever it is- connect to yourself and love yourself today. If you don’t know where to s...

When does the quest for "why" turn into justification paralysis? Is figuring out the root cause the only key to moving forward? or is it as simple as a decision? With visual journaling I reflect on the big and little picture(s) for feelings rather than answers. NOTES from Bianca: Sacred Seeing on Substack https://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/

waking up with a racing chest. putting your brain in front of your divine inspiration/intuition. letting yourself hear what you are trying to tell yourself through the photos you take. "WAIT! I gotta get mommy a flower!" click click click. wake up. click click click. let the light in. opens up this well of knowledge and wisdom and witnessing of yourself that can actually help you live your life more deeply. It opens everything up to what really actually matters. The only thing that matter...

Today is a part two of sorts. Last week's episode felt too big to just move on from and I've been burrowing myself into it ever since. I uncovered a really deep insecurity of mine: being redundant. Feeling like what I have to share and what I feel so deeply compelled to say is obvious. But isn't that what pictures are? redundant. and thank goodness. The most important things in the world need to be repeated over and over again. My clarity problem revealed its true nature in this episode- i...

I went on a creative work retreat & was able to finally name the ambiguous monster under my bed. An insecurity that makes me cringe to even say it out loud but alas- I do. I bring it here in the spirit of love, honesty, & in the shameless hope that speaking it out will encourage it to dissipate. BREAKING NEWS: Each podcast episode will now also be published on substack. A new labor of love in pairing words and imagery. NOTES from Bianca: 1:1 BREAKTHROUGH VISION SESSION Sacred Seeing Members...

do you feel like you can never let your guard down in life? sometimes I just want to be taken care of, the way I take care. today I share a very recent & personal experience trying to find some clarity around a medical issue. as I sift through the layers of why I feel like I can't let it go, I wonder where advocating for myself morphs into anxiety & paranoia, where intuition get's lost in a fog of fear, the exhaustion/necessity of hypervigilance, & how to empower ourselves in increasing our c...

after last week's episode i realized i was having a hard time figuring out how to love myself without having it be in relation to being "useful" "helpful" "serving" "loving" -basically anything that was inherently linked to how much I can be for others. didn't sit well with me so I made a self exploration template and helped myself remember how to access actual love for myself. free link below for you to take it and make it your own. (i suggest a cozy drink, some music, & bonus points for recor...