When Your Guru Is Gone: Grief, Practice, and the Tradition That Remains (Audio)

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Welcome.

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I'm Harmony Slater, your host of the Finding Harmony podcast.

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Over the past 20 years, I've taught thousands of yoga teachers and students to explore the intersection between ancient wisdom and modern everyday life, using mind-body practices to heal, awaken, and manifest their dreams from the inside out.

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This podcast is a sanctuary for those feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges.

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Are you ready to jump in and discover how these challenges aren't actually in the way, but are the way to finding harmony? Let's invite the magic back in It's hard to make sense of loss when it arrives suddenly and unexpectedly, especially when someone passes that you felt maybe was immortal, or at least was gonna live a long, long time.

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Today's conversation is a deeply personal one because I'm joined by Bianca Olivier, a Brazilian-born Ashtanga teacher living in Poland, whose life has truly been shaped by years of dedicated practice and teaching within this Ashtanga yoga lineage.

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And Bianca has immersed herself in the practice and has cultivated a very thoughtful and grounded approach to teaching.

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And she was somewhere when our teacher, Sharath Rangaswamy Joyce, suddenly passed away.

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And we are going to touch on her experience of being at the Active Series training in Virginia during those final days together.

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And so this conversation is really about how we have been navigating grief and what the evolution of devotion to a tradition or this practice looks like after the loss of our beloved teacher, of the leader.

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And so we're focusing on community and remembrance and also impermanence, and that even though the outer form might change, the essence and the truth of the teachings continue to live within us.

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But before we jump into this conversation, I wanna just give you a quick reminder that I will be teaching Mysore classes as well as some weekend workshops next week at Agora Lisboa, so in Lisbon, Portugal.

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That's happening from June 25th to the 28th, and there are just a few spots and a few days left for you to reserve and come practice with me A couple weeks later, I'll be at Ashtanga House Faro, that's in Faro, Portugal, for a five-day Ashtanga immersion.

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This is where we're gonna go so deep.

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Morning Mysore practices complemented by pranayama, chanting, elemental embodiment workshops.

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It's gonna be just an incredible immersion in this beautiful area in Portugal, and you can find all the details in the show notes or reach out to me on Instagram, and I will send you the links so that you can reserve your spot and come practice with me in Faro, Portugal, or in Lisbon.

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I'd love to see you and really help you deepen your connection to yourself, to your body, to feeling at home in your body, and to the teachings of yoga beyond just the asana, but really understanding what the esoteric movement of prana and energy is in the body that we're ultimately trying to unlock and open up as we move through these series and through these practices.

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I'm excited about this conversation.

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I hope you are, too, and let's dive in.

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Hi.

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Welcome.

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We're here today.

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I'm sitting with beautiful Bianca.

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Hello, Bianca.

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Hi, Amranit.

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Thank you for having me.

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I'm feeling good.

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Oh, it's such a privilege to be here with you.

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And yeah, we're gonna dive a little bit into your story because I think it's so fun.

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Our listeners love hearing how everyone gets into yoga, and I think you probably found yoga...

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Where did you find yoga? Was it in Brazil? Yeah.

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Or was it somewhere else in the world? Well, actually, not Ashtanga, but I started practicing some type of yoga in Brazil.

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I was about 17 or 18 years old.

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I don't remember much, and my grandmother got me to my first yoga class.

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Wow, your grandmother.

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Yeah, yeah.

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She was practicing yoga.

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Not really.

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I was complaining to her that I had some lower back pain.

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I was making lots of jewelry back in the day, and I was sitting, and maybe my back position was not good.

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She told me, like, "I saw there is a yoga place close to our house.

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It's new, and I met the owner.

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He's very nice person, and he said that yoga is very good for the body, for the mind.

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You should go and should try."

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And I was like, "Okay."

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So I went there, and I think it was some type of classical Hatha yoga class.

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So that's how- Okay I started.

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But I was very young, so I didn't, I didn't pursue it for very long.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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So you're making jewelry, you're young, like a young lady- Yeah in your, just before your 20s, and- Yeah you're in Rio.

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Yeah.

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So you know, life in Rio is intense.

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Lots of things happening, and my interests is were in partying, boyfriend, and traveling, and doing other things, not taking serious yoga classes, I think But it left some impact in my life because, you know, living in Rio, your nervous system is on edge all the time.

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And I was in college, so it- this type of, like, stressful and anxious feelings towards tests and, you know, exams and things like that.

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And also, the safety in Rio, as you know, is not great, so you're always a bit stressed about going out, coming back home late, who is following you, who is on your side.

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You're scared of pickpockets.

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You're never completely relaxed.

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So I remember after this first yoga class, I felt so calm, so relaxed, and I noticed that each time I was attending, I was feeling very calm.

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And I was like, "Oh, that's nice.

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I feel, like, calm after the yoga class.

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I don't feel, like, on the edge."

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So I think that was the first impression that the practice gave me.

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And after many years, so many things has happened in my life, and I came back to practice when I was about 24.

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How did you get back into it? I was living in United States, and in a very small city, far away from any type of friends, any community, and I was feeling very, very lonely, and I was just having some type of existential crisis or something, you know? When all the questions start coming up, who am I? Where I come from? Why so much suffering? Is there a God? And I don't know.

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It was, my mind was just going nuts.

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And I remember that this feeling that the yoga class gave to me in the past, and I thought, "Okay, maybe I should try to go back to yoga and see if my mind is a bit more calm."

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So I found a place that was 40 minutes away by car, and I had a ex-husband back then, so I was asking him to take me there twice a week.

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And short after, we moved to a city, maybe you know the city, Boone, in North Carolina.

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It's close to Asheville.

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It's a small place- Right but it's like a college town.

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It's very nice city.

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And they have a very big yoga school there, one only nice community.

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And I remember I sign up for this open pass, and I was going all the time for the classes, sometimes even three times a day.

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And that is how kind of started.

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I was getting more into the practice, but not Ashtanga yet.

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I was just trying Iyengar, Vinyasa.

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Whatever they were offering, I was showing up.

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Not pregnant class.

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Yeah.

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I think that was the only class that I was not taking, the pregnancy class.

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And then after few months, the main teacher, the owner of the school, she announced the 200 hours teaching training.

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And I thought, "Maybe I should sign up for that, too," because I'm going three times a day for this school and I am interesting about the subject.

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I want to learn more about yoga.

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And she opened a scholarship, which was great because I didn't have a job back then.

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So I applied for a scholarship and I got, like, a partial scholarship, so I had to clean the studio twice a day And it was really nice.

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And I was also thinking, like, it would be a good opportunity for me to learn a little bit of English, because my English is hard language for me, and back in the day was even harder.

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So yeah, that's how it started.

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So it was a Vinyasa training, and then one day she played the Ashtanga New York DVD.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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And I remember I was watching- This- and I started getting goosebumps, and I was like, "Oh, wow, this is the practice I wants to do."

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Oh, wow.

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"I want to do this practice."

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And I was so excited, but there was no Ashtanga classes in the school and in the city.

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And then after a few days she invited a friend that has been in Mysore before, and she told him to give us, like, an introduction of Ashtanga and just share a little bit about the method, and I was so excited.

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He was teaching a little about the sun salutations and the standing sequence.

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And I was so excited, I told him in the end of the class, like, "Thank you so much.

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I love it, everything about it."

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And then he said, "If you like it so much, Sharath Jois, the grandson of Pattabhi Jois, and his mother, Saraswati, they will be doing a tour in US next year.

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Maybe you should go."

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So that was around October 2012, and the tour was April 2013, so I had few months to, I don't know- Prepare prepare.

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Yeah.

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So I told my teacher, I say to her, like, "I'm gonna sign up for this tour, this Ashtanga tour."

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And she like, "Why? Why are you gonna do that? You don't even know the sequence.

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Don't do it."

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And I didn't say anything to her, but I went home and I sign up.

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I enter in the computer and I, I paid the tickets and I sign up to go.

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And then I ordered the David Swenson book.

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Yeah.

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And then I ordered the Richard Freeman Primary Series DVD to try to learn by myself.

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And I went.

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I mean, it was really hard because I felt like I learned a little bit through the books and DVD, but when I got there I could not do anything.

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But it was really special.

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Like, the first class I felt like I baptized.

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It was so good.

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And it was my first class, like a traditional, let's say, Ashtanga yoga class, and with him it was very special.

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And I had the impression, like- Was that in New York? No, it was in Greenwich.

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And I felt like, "Okay, I found my teacher."

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And in the last day he, he gave a conference and he said, "Keep practicing until I see you in Mysore."

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And I took that to the heart, and I was like, "I'm not sure what Mysore is, but-" Okay, I'll go.

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I'll go."

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And then I realized I need a teacher, so I start looking for teachers.

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But it...

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Yeah, that, that was the beginning of everything, when he came to Greenwich.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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So did you find a teacher before you ended up going to Mysore? Yeah, I found it, and I found a great support.

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I think, like, I, I really went to Mysore because, uh, the teacher, Tim Feldman, he, he kind of pushed me to go There was a website back in the day, I don't think it exists anymore, ashtanga.com

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or ashtanga dot something Yeah, ashtanga.com.

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Yeah Yeah.

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That had all the workshops, and I tried to find- Yeah someone close to my city, and the closest one, the workshops was in Richmond.

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Which state is that? Virginia? Virginia, yeah.

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And he was going there very regularly.

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So I start going there, and I really liked the way that he was teaching, and he's really funny and very sweet.

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So I start practicing with him.

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And then I practice two times with Kino, and I knew they are married, so there is a nice connection.

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Yeah.

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And then one day he told me, "You...

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Do you have a teacher?" And I was like, "No.

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I mean, you're teaching me."

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And then he said- Yeah "You're doing really good for somebody k- that is practicing mostly alone."

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And I said, "Yeah, I'm trying."

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And then he say, "You should come to Goa for the retreat in Purple Valley.

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And then from there you go to Mysore."

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Mm-hmm.

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And then I say like, "Okay- Okay I'll do that."

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So that's how it started.

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I didn't get in with Sharajii for the first try because I made a mistake on my application.

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There was a question that was asking if you're a beginner, and I put a yes.

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And then I got a, like, a email response from Sharaj straight, uh, straight from him that he say like, "I'm not teaching beginners.

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If you're a beginner, please practice with Saraswati, my mother."

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And then I respond and say, "I'm learning the second series with Tim Feldman."

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And then he say, "Ah, the applications are closed.

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Try next time."

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So I wanted to, to first practice with Saraswati.

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I wanted to go anyway, and it was great.

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It was great experience practicing with her.

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And then I went back again in the time that he was not teaching because it was monsoon, so I went to her two times.

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And then the third time I went to Sharat finally.

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What do you feel like the difference, like, what was your experience and the difference between practicing with Saraswati for a couple of trips and then going and practicing with Sharat? It was so much easier just to talk to her.

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She was very approachable.

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And, um, she was firm during teaching, but very sweet.

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And I guess, I mean, maybe Sharajii, he was sweet to people that he probably knew for a long time or more open, but by the time I was practicing with him, it was so many people, and sometimes people are just crazy.

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They come and say, like, whatever, like some weird questions out of the blue.

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So he had, like, very strong boundaries I could see.

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And with Saraswati, she was just so sweet.

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And Surya, my son, he was six months old when I went there for the second time, and she just loved him so much.

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She wants me to go to practice with him in the shala, so I took him for a few days, but it was so sweaty and crazy hot inside.

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I was like, "No, no more."

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But...

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And I also like how herself she was.

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She was with the earphones, and she was chanting- Oh, yeah during the Mysore class, and yeah, just so sweet.

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Yeah.

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I noticed some differences in the asana teaching, like little differences- Oh here and there between her and Sharajii.

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Yeah Yeah.

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What differences would you say? I remember Bakasana was one.

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She was always correcting the hands to, for the fingers to be pointing back.

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Oh.

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Oh.

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Yeah.

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Interesting.

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And the Bakasana we do is with the fingers pointing forward, right- Right towards the shoulders.

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Yeah.

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So that was one.

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Ah, Kapotasana, she was telling me real Kapotasana is with the feet completely together.

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So I was doing Kapotasana with the feet together with her.

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Ah, okay.

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So, yeah, those two things I remember.

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Interesting.

191
00:16:18,779.998 --> 00:16:19,209.998
Yeah.

192
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:19,740
Okay.

193
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:31,679.998
So you go and you're, like, in Mysore doing the whole Mysore thing, and how on earth do you get to Poland? I, I met my husband there, my Polish husband there, so- Yeah yeah.

194
00:16:32,29.998 --> 00:16:36,620
Was he a yoga teacher? No, he's an artist.

195
00:16:37,419.997 --> 00:16:39,230
He likes to- Ah.

196
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:39,720
Yeah.

197
00:16:40,29.998 --> 00:16:41,329.999
He- Nice yeah.

198
00:16:41,329.999 --> 00:16:42,899.997
Is that his painting behind you? Yeah.

199
00:16:43,109.999 --> 00:16:45,400
It's not a painting, but yeah, he made that.

200
00:16:45,419.997 --> 00:16:47,149.997
It's a- Yeah I don't know.

201
00:16:47,299.998 --> 00:16:48,729.995
Like a photo of Krishnamacharya.

202
00:16:48,760.001 --> 00:16:49,290.001
Yeah.

203
00:16:49,290.001 --> 00:16:52,89.999
It's like a process called intaglio.

204
00:16:52,739.997 --> 00:17:05,459.997
It's drawing on the metal and then putting some li- I don't know, some acids and stuff, and then using this huge printer to pass the metal through it on the paper, and then it's printed like that.

205
00:17:05,489.997 --> 00:17:06,889.997
He actually doesn't like this.

206
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:06,910
Mm.

207
00:17:07,510.001 --> 00:17:11,439.998
He said that it's not done well, but I like it, so I, I took it from him.

208
00:17:12,120.002 --> 00:17:12,660.002
Amazing.

209
00:17:12,660.002 --> 00:17:19,929.998
So you met your husband, and were you already with child when you met him? I was married before for almost seven years.

210
00:17:19,989.997 --> 00:17:29,179.996
We didn't have any kids, and- Yeah when I stopped practicing yoga, our life, personalities, and everything just started going completely opposite ways.

211
00:17:29,929.999 --> 00:17:35,249.999
And yeah, the situation was not good for us before I went to India.

212
00:17:35,249.999 --> 00:17:41,270
So when I was in India, I felt like, "Okay, this is time to separate," and I felt very good being alone.

213
00:17:41,279.998 --> 00:17:41,289.998
Mm.

214
00:17:41,669.997 --> 00:17:49,9.994
And then I met Mateusz there after some months, and then- Yeah after some time, I decided to come to Poland.

215
00:17:50,179.999 --> 00:17:50,699.999
Yeah.

216
00:17:50,739.997 --> 00:18:11,420
When you were in India, did you stay in India? Did you go back to the US? Did you go back to Brazil? How did your path kind of- It was complicated time travel after that first trip? But yeah, I went back to US because I had to finalize all the divorce paperwork And also pack my things and decided where to go.

217
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:18,760
But from US, I start living with a friend, like temporary, and I was still working there.

218
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:23,220
And then I moved to Poland just to, I don't know, see how it'd be during the summer.

219
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,849.999
But I came with full luggage.

220
00:18:26,49.999 --> 00:18:29,200
So I think deep inside I knew I wouldn't go anywhere else.

221
00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:31,179.999
And yeah, here I am.

222
00:18:31,229.999 --> 00:18:32,350
I didn't go back anywhere.

223
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:32,900
I didn't.

224
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:33,620
Wow.

225
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,350
Wow.

226
00:18:34,539.999 --> 00:18:34,579.999
Yeah.

227
00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:39,239.999
And then so you would just go between Mysore and Poland for a few years? Yeah.

228
00:18:39,319.999 --> 00:18:51,299.998
Mateusz, he's a great supporter, so I think if he didn't support me that much, I wouldn't be able to go to Mysore as I was going at, as often with a small child.

229
00:18:51,409.999 --> 00:18:53,369.998
So yeah, it was great.

230
00:18:53,459.999 --> 00:18:59,39.999
He was also in the art school, so sometimes he was leaving his school behind just to go with me.

231
00:18:59,959.999 --> 00:19:08,459.998
Yeah, he sacrificed so much so I could practice with Sharaji because he knew it was super special and important for me.

232
00:19:08,599.998 --> 00:19:21,279.995
I wanna ask you about how your experience was, 'cause a lot of practitioners are always curious about what it's like being in Mysore and practicing and having a small child there.

233
00:19:21,659.999 --> 00:19:22,760
Ah, it's tiring.

234
00:19:23,149.997 --> 00:19:37,429.994
I remember I used to bring Jediah for the first, like basically from the time he was one years old to the time he was five years old, and people would be, ask me, like the free single people are like, "What do you do after you practice all day?" I'm like, "I just try and keep my son alive."

235
00:19:37,459.995 --> 00:19:37,969.995
Yeah.

236
00:19:38,79.998 --> 00:19:38,519.998
Yeah.

237
00:19:38,569.995 --> 00:19:42,889.997
And I think as they get older, it's worse because you need to entertain them much more.

238
00:19:42,889.997 --> 00:19:50,319.996
When they are very small, they take naps or, but when they- Yeah are five, six, seven, eight, it start getting complicated.

239
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:57,329.999
For Surya, the last few seasons that we have been there together, after, you know, a few weeks he's like, "I don't wanna be here.

240
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:58,229.997
I wanna go home."

241
00:19:58,649.997 --> 00:20:02,319.998
There's not much to do after two, three weeks there for kids.

242
00:20:03,679.996 --> 00:20:03,869.996
Yeah.

243
00:20:03,880.001 --> 00:20:08,450
And if you don't find like some play dates for them, it get even worse.

244
00:20:08,929.996 --> 00:20:09,289.996
Yeah.

245
00:20:09,289.997 --> 00:20:23,529.99
And a lot of, I know for me, when I was taking Jediah, by the time he got into school, so you know, after kindergarten, when he was in grade one, two, he wanted to be with his friends- Mm-hmm and have a routine and not have that disrupted.

246
00:20:23,529.995 --> 00:20:36,19.997
And I took him to Goa for, I guess we were there for three weeks, like two weeks at Purple Valley in Goa, and I was teaching and he was there, and I brought my parents to help, and then we traveled for a little bit.

247
00:20:36,29.995 --> 00:20:43,739.99
But he was, I think, maybe seven at that time, or eight maybe, and he was just like, "I'm never going back."

248
00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:48,300
I understand him.

249
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:48,760
Yeah.

250
00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:49,880
Yeah.

251
00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:53,150
It's interesting for us- Yeah but for them it's not.

252
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:53,210
No.

253
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:59,410
I see some kids sometimes practicing the shala, and they're kind of young, and they're, like, full power in the shala.

254
00:20:59,410 --> 00:21:01,710
It's so nice to see, but Surya is not this type.

255
00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:07,430
Yeah, no, you gotta respect- He like his boys the spirit of the one you got.

256
00:21:07,449.999 --> 00:21:10,670
Yeah, he's like his routine and the friends.

257
00:21:11,29.999 --> 00:21:11,970
It's challenging.

258
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:18,780
There's, like, a certain age that's a bit hard to, like you say, entertain- Mm-hmm the kids.

259
00:21:18,789.999 --> 00:21:19,070
Mm-hmm.

260
00:21:19,699.999 --> 00:21:24,480.001
There's only so many times you can go to the pool- Yeah before they're like, "This is so boring."

261
00:21:24,839.999 --> 00:21:25,239.999
Yeah.

262
00:21:25,519.999 --> 00:21:34,29.999
And, like, I remember too, uh, having to, like, play with him, like after practicing, and you've been up since 3:00 in the morning, and you're just like, "Oh my God."

263
00:21:34,39.999 --> 00:21:34,409.999
Yeah.

264
00:21:34,409.999 --> 00:21:36,729.998
Like, it's like- You don't have energy to play with the kid.

265
00:21:36,749.998 --> 00:21:37,729.998
That's the truth.

266
00:21:38,789.999 --> 00:21:40,810
Trying to survive through the day.

267
00:21:40,909.998 --> 00:21:41,219.998
Yeah.

268
00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:43,169.998
It's gonna be tricky, for sure.

269
00:21:43,769.999 --> 00:21:44,219.999
Yeah.

270
00:21:44,679.999 --> 00:22:01,240
How many trips did you go to Mysore with him? Did you go many times? No, I didn't go that many times, but I was, like, on the last few years, I stay between the season sometimes, and I would- Mm go up and practice upstairs with Usha.

271
00:22:01,319.998 --> 00:22:01,739.999
Oh, nice.

272
00:22:01,739.999 --> 00:22:08,650
Because I felt like I just wanna be here longer, and you know, like, could only be for two months, and sometimes it's so sad.

273
00:22:08,659.995 --> 00:22:11,480
I wanna be there for a bit longer, like one month extra.

274
00:22:11,779.997 --> 00:22:21,759.999
Of course, I couldn't participate on the led classes, but I could sneak in the conferences, and that for me was nice that I could sneak in the conferences.

275
00:22:22,550.002 --> 00:22:24,280.002
I think it was about six trips.

276
00:22:24,979.994 --> 00:22:25,439.994
Wow.

277
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:25,740
Yeah.

278
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:26,430
And how did you...

279
00:22:26,440.001 --> 00:22:35,389.995
Like, practicing with Usha, what was that like? It was nice because the last few years I was practicing there, I had, like, back injuries.

280
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:46,769.996
So it was a nice time to take it easy and not feel the pressure that I have to do any type of crazy catching with him, for example, anything like that, and was more like recover time.

281
00:22:46,989.996 --> 00:22:51,819.997
But also, like, I had to keep the same practice as I was doing with him.

282
00:22:51,849.997 --> 00:22:55,349.997
So whatever I was doing back home, I could not do it.

283
00:22:55,359.991 --> 00:22:55,369.991
Mm.

284
00:22:55,389.99 --> 00:23:07,389.995
So I would say, like, I progressed very, very slowly through the years because I was spending too much time in India, and I could not practice, let's say, more like home.

285
00:23:07,439.993 --> 00:23:09,500.003
Because Sharaji- What would you be practicing...

286
00:23:09,569.998 --> 00:23:20,790.001
Yeah, what would you be practicing at home, and then what would- Um your practice be like there? How was it different? I remember I was still finishing second series, but at home I was practicing the beginning of the third, something like that.

287
00:23:21,569.998 --> 00:23:35,599.99
So there was, yeah, a few things that I could not developed much, especially to strength, because the beginning, like, it's nice to build strength on the third series, right? So things like that was not doing much in Mysore.

288
00:23:35,879.996 --> 00:23:37,879.993
Was mostly second series.

289
00:23:37,959.998 --> 00:23:44,338
And then the last two trips he gave me More of the third series postures.

290
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:45,968
Yeah.

291
00:23:45,978 --> 00:23:46,038
Oh, yeah.

292
00:23:46,038 --> 00:23:46,428
Yeah.

293
00:23:46,748 --> 00:23:54,227.999
But was a good time for recovery anyway because I was- Yeah I had five years of back pain, back injury that was coming and going, coming and going.

294
00:23:54,247.999 --> 00:24:00,7.999
And each time I was going to, my sore was getting worse because of- Oh catching every day and- Yeah.

295
00:24:00,8.001 --> 00:24:05,528
What are your thoughts on that? Do you think that's a good routine, catching every day and- Um, I think it depends.

296
00:24:05,548 --> 00:24:13,758
If the person has a healthy back and doesn't have any muscular imbalance and feels good on the next day, good.

297
00:24:13,818 --> 00:24:15,507.999
I know people that likes catching a lot.

298
00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:16,408.001
I do feel good.

299
00:24:16,698.001 --> 00:24:23,048
If my back feels good and open, I like to catch, but that, for me, not every day anymore.

300
00:24:23,367.999 --> 00:24:30,228
I do self catching sometimes home, but definitely I don't force myself to do every day anymore Yeah.

301
00:24:30,578 --> 00:24:32,888
Yeah I like the little challenge Yeah, I'm curious.

302
00:24:33,658 --> 00:24:38,918
I have a sense that 20, 25 years of that isn't that good for the body.

303
00:24:38,918 --> 00:24:45,498
No, even when you're there for one or two months, every day I feel destroyed, this catching thing every day.

304
00:24:46,508 --> 00:24:46,848
Yeah.

305
00:24:46,858 --> 00:24:49,688
Yeah, and y- you know, if you catch the ankle, it's not enough.

306
00:24:49,748 --> 00:24:53,957.999
It needs to go higher and higher, this escalator thing, and suddenly you're like, "Oh, gosh."

307
00:24:54,397.999 --> 00:24:56,307.999
Yeah, it's a lot for me, for my body.

308
00:24:56,318 --> 00:24:56,338
Yeah.

309
00:24:56,617.999 --> 00:25:01,947.998
I'm sure there are some bodies that can handle maybe every day the intensity, but not my body anymore.

310
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:06,287.998
I'm not sure there's any bodies that can handle that intensity every day, actually.

311
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:12,884.6653333
Because if I recall now, my back problems, they started when I start catching in Mysore with, you know, Sharajad and all this.

312
00:25:12,884.6653333 --> 00:25:13,717.998
Mm-hmm.

313
00:25:13,987.998 --> 00:25:18,607.998
Because with Saraswati was very low and gentle, and I think my back is fine with that.

314
00:25:18,608 --> 00:25:21,487.997
But I start going up, up, up, different story.

315
00:25:21,487.998 --> 00:25:21,907.998
Yeah.

316
00:25:21,957.999 --> 00:25:34,517.998
I'm always curious to hear what people think about that, like the intensity of the asana practice, and that sort of like intensity of needing to achieve or keep going to more and more extremes.

317
00:25:34,577.998 --> 00:25:35,147.998
Yeah.

318
00:25:35,297.999 --> 00:25:35,737.999
Yeah.

319
00:25:36,348.002 --> 00:25:39,757.995
What do you think about that? Like, how does that serve? Like, how...

320
00:25:39,777.995 --> 00:25:50,148
Did it serve you? Did it serve you? Did it not serve you? How do you bring that into your teaching, or d- have you shifted how you approach teaching? I don't think it served me completely.

321
00:25:50,808.001 --> 00:25:57,557.995
Maybe I pushed myself a bit too hard when I was in Mysore just to, like...

322
00:25:57,827.998 --> 00:26:07,97.999
Because I gave, of course, full trust to the assistant and to Sharaji, but I was not, like, completely aware.

323
00:26:07,97.999 --> 00:26:08,437.998
Like, maybe it's not catching.

324
00:26:08,448.001 --> 00:26:11,068
Maybe it's, I don't know, like, behind the head.

325
00:26:11,117.999 --> 00:26:25,008
But as I come back home and I do my own practice with no one touching me, I realize, yeah, catching can be too intense, and I don't need to push myself 100% every day in every single posture.

326
00:26:25,338 --> 00:26:35,557.996
It took long for me to find a good physio to help me with my own issues, and I think that is nowadays is so misleading with social media and YouTube, all those reels.

327
00:26:35,567.996 --> 00:26:38,298.002
Like- Mm "Do this and you cure your back pain."

328
00:26:38,487.994 --> 00:26:45,67.998
So I have tried everything, but there is nothing like a specialist to understand your body and see what is going on.

329
00:26:45,528.002 --> 00:26:52,617.992
So it took me, like, five years trying to find out the source of my problems in my back and my pain.

330
00:26:53,28.002 --> 00:26:59,27.998
And in the end, I also learned that one leg of mine is a little shorter than the other, and that caused imbalance on my hip.

331
00:26:59,58.001 --> 00:27:03,637.999
That caused some muscular imbalances on my back.

332
00:27:03,957.995 --> 00:27:15,7.99
And my physio told me, "If you're just doing normal activities, maybe you wouldn't feel anything, but the stuff you do is pretty intense, so your body is very sensitive towards those things."

333
00:27:15,7.998 --> 00:27:15,267.998
Yeah.

334
00:27:15,847.995 --> 00:27:19,657.991
So with my students, I try to do the same.

335
00:27:19,787.997 --> 00:27:37,352
If they have any pain, I encourage them to take it easy, to do 50% less, to modify And also to find a doctor, orthopedic or a physio to help them with the pain, because sometimes people think, like, the practice will resolve everything, and it's not true.

336
00:27:38,21.999 --> 00:27:51,892
Maybe it's a moment of adaptation, integration the body's having, but if the pain is there for a long period of time, like, sorry, go find a specialist, and yoga teachers cannot see what is going on inside.

337
00:27:51,971.999 --> 00:27:57,701.999
Like, go do an X-ray, MRI, and go look for a professional opinion.

338
00:27:58,121.999 --> 00:27:58,721.999
Yeah.

339
00:27:58,912 --> 00:28:01,372
And do you mostly teach Ashtanga now? Is your...

340
00:28:01,382.001 --> 00:28:06,232
I know you travel a lot, and you're teaching kinda workshops and retreats in different places.

341
00:28:06,252 --> 00:28:14,102
What's your main focus these days? I am teaching a Mysore program, but it's like a evening Mysore program.

342
00:28:14,782 --> 00:28:14,965.3333333
Okay, cool.

343
00:28:14,965.3333333 --> 00:28:16,991.998
So I'm not teaching in the mornings anymore.

344
00:28:17,002 --> 00:28:22,442
I teach, like, late afternoon because it's what works here for most of the people.

345
00:28:23,221.997 --> 00:28:30,31.999
It's a very small community, but it's very nice to be able to grow with them in the practice.

346
00:28:30,612 --> 00:28:38,141.995
And I travel sometimes for work during the weekends for, to visit some schools, but when I'm not traveling, I'm here.

347
00:28:38,391.995 --> 00:28:48,202
And I love to organize yoga retreats because I love traveling, so that's one of- Yeah it's hobby and work at the same time for me to plan trips.

348
00:28:48,471.997 --> 00:28:56,121.999
Do you ever bring your son with you, or do you mostly go alone now? We mostly travel together because they get jealous I'm going to nice places, and they want to come.

349
00:28:57,111.997 --> 00:28:57,131.997
Yeah.

350
00:28:57,191.998 --> 00:29:02,241.999
So we, it's like a family trip to, most of the time when we travel.

351
00:29:02,342 --> 00:29:02,772
Yeah.

352
00:29:03,41.997 --> 00:29:04,171.997
It's a whole family affair.

353
00:29:04,251.996 --> 00:29:04,941.996
Yeah.

354
00:29:04,941.998 --> 00:29:05,221.998
Yeah.

355
00:29:05,401.998 --> 00:29:15,312.001
So I need to announce for people that, you know, it's family-friendly, so there will be, like, some kids sometimes because, you know, sometimes people don't like kids around, so need to make clear.

356
00:29:15,651.998 --> 00:29:15,951.994
Yeah, good.

357
00:29:16,41.997 --> 00:29:16,751.995
That's so nice.

358
00:29:16,812.001 --> 00:29:26,801.998
What do you feel like has changed for you the most, like, over the years of beginning your yoga journey and, like, through the practice and where you are now? More, like, emotionally.

359
00:29:27,821.996 --> 00:29:32,771.997
A little bit more emotional understanding about my own feelings.

360
00:29:33,882.001 --> 00:30:00,712
But at the same time, you know, I found that the practice, it needs really to be, like, a long time, like a lifelong practice because I may feel more tolerant or more understanding about the environment around me or other people, but when you have, like, close people that triggers you, my son or my husband, this is, I feel like, really I needed to put in practice my yoga, you know? And it's not easy.

361
00:30:00,731.999 --> 00:30:07,761.997
So I feel like I needed to really do this practice every day, very constant and very regular.

362
00:30:07,771.993 --> 00:30:14,238
Otherwise, like, I cannot manage the Relationships are hard Yeah.

363
00:30:14,238 --> 00:30:16,008
The relationships are the real yoga.

364
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:19,838
Even though I love my husband and I love my kid, it's not easy.

365
00:30:20,858 --> 00:30:47,528.001
So I feel like my practice now is for that, like, to be more mentally open for the impact of family and, but also nowadays that I'm getting older and more people that they're close to me, they are just, you know, dying and stuff, like the understanding of death and impermanence also is being, like a big topic for me.

366
00:30:47,778.001 --> 00:31:03,367.999
Have you added or incorporated some other types of yoga practices or other types of practices that have helped you to kinda expand your capacity or, like, to hold impermanence or to go into these topics more? Yeah.

367
00:31:03,398 --> 00:31:07,387.999
It's, it comes up in phases, I would say.

368
00:31:07,557.999 --> 00:31:10,277.999
The other practices, they are not asana.

369
00:31:10,317.998 --> 00:31:35,167.996
For example, by the time that I was feeling this injury and I was very limited with my practice of asanas, I was diving very deep in studies of yoga philosophy, and I was studying regularly with Arvind from Mysore, and I was even hosting some studies online with him for whoever wants to participate.

370
00:31:36,37.995 --> 00:31:37,777.999
Chanting, I like it.

371
00:31:38,197.999 --> 00:31:45,197.999
And when I start feeling better, I start getting a bit more excited about asana and the movement in general.

372
00:31:45,327.996 --> 00:31:56,637.996
And sometimes I don't have time for every single thing that I would like to do, you know, all the books that I want to read or sitting meditation or chanting and, and, you know, like philosophy studies.

373
00:31:57,598 --> 00:32:01,397.996
But yeah, I feel like there's not enough time to do everything in the day.

374
00:32:01,577.996 --> 00:32:04,757.995
I need to pick, like, little things here and there.

375
00:32:05,47.997 --> 00:32:05,367.997
Yeah.

376
00:32:05,607.995 --> 00:32:15,117.994
It starts to get busy, especially when you're balancing family and relationships, like a partner- Mm-hmm and teaching or a full-time job- Mm-hmm and practice.

377
00:32:15,117.997 --> 00:32:15,587.997
Mm-hmm.

378
00:32:15,647.996 --> 00:32:16,438
Yeah, it's true.

379
00:32:16,727.998 --> 00:32:31,497.991
How do you think that the asana practice helps you in your relationships? You say you're, like, kinda using it more to bring sort of balance or tolerance or a greater understanding into your relationships.

380
00:32:31,498.002 --> 00:32:41,107.999
How do you think the two correlate? Any movement practice helps to floss some type of emotions of the body.

381
00:32:41,127.991 --> 00:33:01,258.004
I remember when I was very young, I was going for dance classes, and I had this trouble sometimes, I don't know, trouble relationship with my mom, and sometimes we get in a argument or something, and I would go to the dance class, and I would feel good, like dancing and feeling the music and feeling my body.

382
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:08,630
And I feel with the asana practice is not completely similar as dancing, of course, because there is this system.

383
00:33:08,630 --> 00:33:17,980
But I feel like as I start feeling my body and my breath and getting really deep into my joints and feeling so many things, there is some flossing happening inside.

384
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,750
I can feel my emotions, and I can start releasing and letting go.

385
00:33:22,270 --> 00:33:25,209.999
So you're, like, able to move that energy out of the body.

386
00:33:25,219.999 --> 00:33:25,669.999
Mm.

387
00:33:25,799.999 --> 00:33:28,710
And then as you're doing that, letting go.

388
00:33:28,750 --> 00:33:35,270
What's the result at the end? Lighter, less layers that obstruct perhaps ourself, right? Mm-hmm.

389
00:33:35,929.998 --> 00:33:37,459.999
Bit more bliss maybe.

390
00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:41,359.999
What's your ultimate aim with the yoga practice? Where...

391
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:47,319.999
Like, why do you get up and do it every day? Where is it going? As I told you, I would go crazy with my family.

392
00:33:48,190 --> 00:33:48,549.999
Just kidding.

393
00:33:49,219.999 --> 00:33:50,559.997
You're just doing it to stay out of jail.

394
00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:50,980
Yeah.

395
00:33:53,249.998 --> 00:33:53,899.997
When I have a...

396
00:33:54,159.998 --> 00:34:03,240
I had the second time that I decided to join yoga because I was feeling depressed and sad and with so many questions.

397
00:34:03,679.998 --> 00:34:11,129.999
It's not that yoga gave me the answers, but I felt like some point I didn't have so many questions anymore.

398
00:34:11,519.998 --> 00:34:13,199.998
I'm fine with what it is.

399
00:34:13,519.998 --> 00:34:23,809.995
So I feel like each time I practice and I'm in touch with the teachings of yoga and I'm feeling inspired by the practice and the teachings, there is less questions.

400
00:34:24,299.997 --> 00:34:27,839.996
It's more like, uh, being present with what it is.

401
00:34:28,59.999 --> 00:34:28,429.999
Yeah.

402
00:34:28,439.996 --> 00:34:30,789.998
Being more, like, okay with what is.

403
00:34:30,939.996 --> 00:34:31,309.996
Yeah.

404
00:34:31,309.996 --> 00:34:31,497.49825
What it is.

405
00:34:31,497.49825 --> 00:34:48,349.999
And when something happen that you cannot practice for some reason, for, I don't know, some days or something, and your body feels, your mind feels, there is something inside it that kind of call it back, right? So when you do it again, you feel like, "Yeah, I was missing that."

406
00:34:48,679.994 --> 00:34:53,939.999
So perhaps that's why I keep coming back too, because, you know, I'm not obsessed with the practice.

407
00:34:53,960.001 --> 00:34:56,999.995
It takes me some effort to step on the mat.

408
00:34:57,89.998 --> 00:34:58,539.999
It's not that easy for me.

409
00:34:58,949.998 --> 00:35:01,100
But each time I finish, I feel good.

410
00:35:01,589.998 --> 00:35:04,59.994
Something inside feels better.

411
00:35:04,519.998 --> 00:35:04,859.998
Yeah.

412
00:35:04,869.997 --> 00:35:05,789.994
That's amazing.

413
00:35:05,879.999 --> 00:35:08,939.995
That's always nice, like a, like coming out of a shower or something.

414
00:35:08,979.997 --> 00:35:09,209.997
Mm.

415
00:35:09,259.996 --> 00:35:10,769.995
You feel a little cleaner or something, clearer.

416
00:35:10,790.002 --> 00:35:11,240.002
Yeah.

417
00:35:11,799.997 --> 00:35:14,149.996
Okay, now I can get out and talk to people.

418
00:35:14,180.002 --> 00:35:18,599.995
Have you been to Mysore since Sharath passed away? No, I haven't.

419
00:35:18,599.995 --> 00:35:22,119.994
Did you go back at all? I have lots of mixed feelings still about it.

420
00:35:22,419.992 --> 00:35:24,790
I was in Virginia when he passed away.

421
00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:27,636
Oh, yeah So- With him.

422
00:35:27,676 --> 00:35:29,756
Yeah, I was in the hike too.

423
00:35:29,776 --> 00:35:38,465.999
It was very shocking and traumatic day, I think, for everybody, even of course for everybody, even for people that were not there.

424
00:35:39,496 --> 00:35:53,5.999
So that season I decided, no, I just need to go back home, and I had a spot reserved to go to Mysore in January, and I decided not to go because I felt, okay, I, I need some time to digest.

425
00:35:53,75.999 --> 00:36:09,906.001
And my husband's mother, she's also very sick, and each time I go to Mysore he takes so much responsibility on his shoulders, like our son and his mother is, has Parkinson's and she's on the bed and he's taking care of her.

426
00:36:09,955.998 --> 00:36:12,116.001
So it's like so, so much happening.

427
00:36:12,865.998 --> 00:36:19,155.999
So I decided not to go, and then I was thinking like, okay, I'm going on the next season on the one-year anniversary.

428
00:36:19,986 --> 00:36:25,585.998
And I applied, but then he say like, "Are you really sure? It's gonna be so hard for me."

429
00:36:25,595.997 --> 00:36:35,266
And I just felt like now my priority is kind of support a little bit him and my family instead of the other way around, especially that Sharaji is not there.

430
00:36:35,745.999 --> 00:36:49,184
For sure, if I was single with no kid, I would go, but right now my priority kind of changed Maybe I'll go back one day, but I'm not in a rush Yeah, that happens too.

431
00:36:49,184 --> 00:37:00,994
I think also as your children are growing, their lives become more full and more activities or more things that you need to be around to manage and schedule- Yeah and be there for.

432
00:37:01,064 --> 00:37:04,104
And it's, it's hard as a single parent to do all of that alone.

433
00:37:04,523.999 --> 00:37:04,733.999
Mm-hmm.

434
00:37:04,834 --> 00:37:05,264
Yeah.

435
00:37:05,264 --> 00:37:23,424.001
He was cloning himself into three different people and trying to manage all, which I'm super thankful, but I felt like maybe it's a little bit selfish of me just to keep going to Mysore- Yeah right now because he has a full-time job and, you know, so changing the priorities.

436
00:37:23,424.001 --> 00:37:24,113.999
Yeah, I get that.

437
00:37:24,113.999 --> 00:37:31,853.999
I guess he, uh- Mm-hmm Sharaji passing changed so many people's lives and, you know, and so many things.

438
00:37:32,183.998 --> 00:37:32,533.998
Yeah.

439
00:37:33,514 --> 00:37:33,824
Yeah.

440
00:37:33,824 --> 00:37:49,583.997
Can you, like, talk us through that a little bit? You, were you on tour with him and then you were at the training or- Yeah how was that? I was in Miami with him for the Mysore, two weeks Mysore I think, and then there was a week break, and then we went to Virginia.

441
00:37:50,23.995 --> 00:37:53,233.996
And that was the opening of the book.

442
00:37:53,313.996 --> 00:37:55,163.996
The Active Series- Yeah and the Active Series training.

443
00:37:55,163.996 --> 00:38:03,683.996
So I managed to sign up, and I was there when he was presenting the Active Series, and was interesting.

444
00:38:03,734.002 --> 00:38:06,563.995
And then the next day, all the students arrived.

445
00:38:06,573.998 --> 00:38:09,323.995
Did you practice the Active Series at all or- Yeah.

446
00:38:09,363.999 --> 00:38:15,703.996
Yeah was it just Mysore style or? No, it was the Active Series on the opening of the book, and was like a closed event.

447
00:38:15,793.999 --> 00:38:17,233.994
There was limited spots.

448
00:38:17,764 --> 00:38:22,423.998
So I sign up really quickly with some friends, but I know some people didn't get in.

449
00:38:22,713.997 --> 00:38:28,613.999
But yeah, he gave his speech about the Active Series and why he was doing that, and Sonia and her husband.

450
00:38:28,613.999 --> 00:38:32,474
And so we went through the Active Series.

451
00:38:32,743.996 --> 00:38:40,73.999
It was interesting because there was no Sanskrit names, and all the postures were, like, they name in English.

452
00:38:40,73.999 --> 00:38:46,393.995
So I think for him it was really hard, so he was reading everything from the book, and I think he was a little nervous, too.

453
00:38:46,423.996 --> 00:38:48,213.994
It was something super new for him.

454
00:38:48,213.994 --> 00:38:50,163.997
There was no chanting.

455
00:38:50,444.001 --> 00:38:59,53.992
And he was saying, like, "This is a practice for people that don't take yoga very serious, for the gym, or for people that don't have that much time- Right to dedicate for the Ashtanga."

456
00:38:59,683.991 --> 00:39:05,314.004
And yeah, and he say like, "Don't mix, don't mix, uh, Mysore with Active Series."

457
00:39:05,323.99 --> 00:39:10,763.993
He was, he was saying few things like that, how to do this practice and for who this practice is.

458
00:39:11,164.002 --> 00:39:17,933.991
And then the next day- Like, if you wanna learn real yoga, you should learn Mysore style- Yeah, yeah with the chanting and the Sanskrit.

459
00:39:18,283.997 --> 00:39:18,493.997
Yeah.

460
00:39:18,494.004 --> 00:39:29,906
That's yoga, and then this Active Series is like sanitized gym yoga that- Yeah is for people who aren't interested in real yoga Something like that, yeah.

461
00:39:29,906 --> 00:39:32,566
But he was laughing, so it can be like a pure joke.

462
00:39:33,276 --> 00:39:35,646
He also said that he wouldn't teach that in Mysore.

463
00:39:35,896 --> 00:39:37,586
He said he won't teach it in Mysore? Yeah.

464
00:39:37,586 --> 00:39:38,676
Yeah Only traveling.

465
00:39:39,715.999 --> 00:39:48,946
Um- But he also was only teaching yoga students traveling, so probably he wasn't gonna teach it traveling that much either.

466
00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:50,275.999
Yeah, I don't know.

467
00:39:50,276 --> 00:40:05,395.999
I think he wanted to open this active series course for the authorized teachers or certified teachers, and then we could include that in our shala, and offering different yoga schools or gyms or something like that.

468
00:40:06,306 --> 00:40:07,126
Perhaps- Got it.

469
00:40:07,405.999 --> 00:40:09,776
Yeah be like a, something new to offer.

470
00:40:09,776 --> 00:40:16,675.998
He said, like, "You can get the students to active series, and then slowly you put to Mysore practice."

471
00:40:17,216 --> 00:40:17,755.997
Like catchy- Yeah, yeah.

472
00:40:18,155.999 --> 00:40:20,546
Like- this way a little taster.

473
00:40:20,575.997 --> 00:40:21,75.997
Yeah.

474
00:40:21,75.997 --> 00:40:21,435.998
Yeah.

475
00:40:21,435.998 --> 00:40:22,946.001
But it felt good actually.

476
00:40:22,946.001 --> 00:40:23,546.001
I liked.

477
00:40:23,556 --> 00:40:26,445.998
It was very- Yeah calming for my nervous system.

478
00:40:26,475.999 --> 00:40:27,745.998
Yeah, it felt okay.

479
00:40:28,155.999 --> 00:40:31,595.996
And then the next day we started the course.

480
00:40:32,106 --> 00:40:42,435.998
So we were supposed to have, I think, led classes in the morning, and then the afternoon was supposed to be the course.

481
00:40:43,256.001 --> 00:40:51,655.995
And then the first day we had the led class, and then in the afternoon it was only discussion about the series, this active series.

482
00:40:52,315.999 --> 00:40:59,405.998
People asking questions, all type of questions, and he was just responding and explaining what it was and how we're gonna do this.

483
00:41:00,175.999 --> 00:41:10,125.995
And then the next day it was supposed again to be led class, and then finally he start teaching us how to teach this active series.

484
00:41:10,896.001 --> 00:41:13,295.997
And then he say like, "No, we're gonna do pranayama."

485
00:41:15,45.995 --> 00:41:22,676.001
And then out of the blue, and then he start picking up, like, four people at a time and put in the stage to...

486
00:41:23,195.996 --> 00:41:30,325.999
And then he was holding in, kumbhaka, holding the breath in really weird counts.

487
00:41:30,935.994 --> 00:41:36,375.996
Like- Yeah some group he would hold for 20 seconds, some group it was 17.

488
00:41:36,375.996 --> 00:41:38,295.999
He was doing, like he was not even counting.

489
00:41:38,295.999 --> 00:41:40,215.992
I think he was just playing with all of us.

490
00:41:41,616.002 --> 00:41:41,926.002
Yeah.

491
00:41:42,25.99 --> 00:41:43,585.997
It was really hard actually.

492
00:41:43,616.002 --> 00:41:45,456.003
Everybody was having a very hard time.

493
00:41:46,86.003 --> 00:41:47,185.992
And then was the day that he passed.

494
00:41:47,185.992 --> 00:41:52,226.001
He said like, "Okay, we're going to hike in the forest.

495
00:41:53,146.001 --> 00:41:54,446.002
Everyone goes.

496
00:41:54,485.997 --> 00:41:57,295.998
Also take your husbands, your ex-husbands.

497
00:41:57,325.993 --> 00:41:58,85.992
Everybody go."

498
00:42:00,435.994 --> 00:42:01,105.999
Your ex-husbands.

499
00:42:01,575.993 --> 00:42:08,606
So you did led class and then pranayama And then everyone's going on a hike together Yeah.

500
00:42:08,606 --> 00:42:14,896
Actually, I think it was supposed to be second series led class, but there were lots of older students.

501
00:42:15,526 --> 00:42:18,716
And everybody start complaining like, "No, we're gonna die."

502
00:42:20,126 --> 00:42:21,336
Primary series.

503
00:42:21,866 --> 00:42:22,996
So he's, "Yeah.

504
00:42:23,735.999 --> 00:42:24,915.999
Okay, primary series."

505
00:42:25,405.999 --> 00:42:30,995.999
Everybody was happy because nobody wants to do second series led class, I think even the young ones.

506
00:42:32,325.999 --> 00:42:32,465.999
Yeah.

507
00:42:33,026 --> 00:42:38,406
But yeah, so then afternoon we went to the national park, and was the afternoon he died.

508
00:42:39,135.998 --> 00:42:43,715.998
So it was like a two days with him there, like during the course.

509
00:42:44,365.998 --> 00:42:44,905.999
It was...

510
00:42:44,955.998 --> 00:42:46,735.998
I don't even have a word to say.

511
00:42:46,745.999 --> 00:42:49,466
It's so unexpected and so weird.

512
00:42:50,266 --> 00:42:50,736
Yeah.

513
00:42:50,946 --> 00:42:51,645.998
What a shock.

514
00:42:51,696 --> 00:42:52,695.999
So shocking.

515
00:42:53,556 --> 00:42:54,355.998
So shocking.

516
00:42:55,5.997 --> 00:42:55,985.997
Yeah, it was terrible.

517
00:42:57,495.999 --> 00:42:58,25.999
Yeah.

518
00:42:58,876 --> 00:43:25,705.996
And so everyone comes down, and he's had his heart attack and is on the ground and- Yeah were people crying? Were you crying? Uh, I think- Were people just in shock? I think we are first in shock- Yeah because at some moment we saw we could not pass the body, right? Because he was laying down on the ground on this bed where they transport, right? Oh, like a stretcher.

519
00:43:25,716 --> 00:43:26,146
Yeah.

520
00:43:26,146.001 --> 00:43:31,645.995
So he was laying down there, but we thought maybe he's just sleeping or something.

521
00:43:31,646.001 --> 00:43:32,85.998
I don't know.

522
00:43:33,116.002 --> 00:43:37,15.996
Actually, we start going up on the trip, and he stayed behind.

523
00:43:37,15.996 --> 00:43:44,785.996
We are, like, hiking up, and I thought he was already in front because I didn't see him during the entire hike.

524
00:43:45,585.995 --> 00:43:49,076
And when we got there in the top, I didn't see him.

525
00:43:49,85.995 --> 00:43:50,135.998
Nobody saw him.

526
00:43:50,286 --> 00:44:03,435.997
So we start going down, and at some point some students say, like, "You cannot pass," to me and some other people that we just went down together.

527
00:44:04,205.998 --> 00:44:13,76.001
And then I say, "Why?" And then he said, "Well, somebody from our group had an accident, and we are giving a little bit of privacy."

528
00:44:14,990 --> 00:44:16,580
And I said like, "All right."

529
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:23,530
So I- somebody already had a phone call, a text message, and somebody whispered to me, "It's Sharaji.

530
00:44:23,530 --> 00:44:24,880
So- something happened to Sharaji."

531
00:44:24,919.999 --> 00:44:37,550
And I thought, "Oh, man, he probably fell down and broke or twisted his ankle or something," right? So we are there waiting, and John Boltman, he was coming back and forth, and he looked very distressed.

532
00:44:37,629.999 --> 00:44:40,210
And he say, "Guys, it doesn't look good.

533
00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:41,240
It doesn't look good."

534
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:43,799.999
And he was leaving and coming back, "It doesn't look good."

535
00:44:43,799.999 --> 00:44:46,279.999
And then we just start getting more anxious about it.

536
00:44:46,279.999 --> 00:44:48,279.998
And I was like, "Maybe he hit his head.

537
00:44:48,979.998 --> 00:44:50,249.999
Maybe he hit his head."

538
00:44:51,109.999 --> 00:44:54,940
And he start back and forth, and then he say, "Guys, it doesn't look good.

539
00:44:54,940.001 --> 00:44:56,189.998
Let's do some prayers."

540
00:44:56,199.999 --> 00:44:59,429.999
So we made a circle, we gave hands, and we start praying.

541
00:44:59,429.999 --> 00:45:03,159.999
I didn't even know for what I was praying for, but I was, like, praying like this.

542
00:45:03,199.999 --> 00:45:07,239.998
Because up to that point, John, he didn't say it was Sharaji.

543
00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:08,489.998
It was just a rumor.

544
00:45:09,609.999 --> 00:45:12,479.999
But deep inside I think everybody knew.

545
00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:18,659.998
And then he left again, and he came back and said, "Guys, he didn't make it.

546
00:45:19,500.002 --> 00:45:20,470.002
He didn't make it."

547
00:45:21,30.001 --> 00:45:24,430.001
I get goosebumps 'cause it's, it feels like I'm there.

548
00:45:25,100.001 --> 00:45:32,300
He said, "Let's start walking down slowly, but we have to stop few meters, so give space."

549
00:45:32,359.995 --> 00:45:38,329.995
So when we went there, we saw him laying down, but the coin that he passed didn't fall yet.

550
00:45:38,390.002 --> 00:45:41,950
I felt like, well, he, he's just with the eyes closed.

551
00:45:41,950 --> 00:45:45,939.999
We could see his body and him, and there was the paramedics around.

552
00:45:46,339.998 --> 00:45:53,759.995
And- How many people were in this group? Was it, like, 500, 100? I had, like, memory loss after that day.

553
00:45:53,879.999 --> 00:45:54,189.999
Yeah.

554
00:45:54,229.998 --> 00:45:58,39.995
But I think it was about maybe 45 people in the hike.

555
00:45:59,129.999 --> 00:45:59,469.999
Okay.

556
00:45:59,509.997 --> 00:45:59,999.997
Yeah.

557
00:45:59,999.997 --> 00:46:03,469.999
So it was like a, kind of a big group, so you couldn't really see from the back.

558
00:46:03,479.998 --> 00:46:05,430.001
It sounds like you were kind of at the back of the group.

559
00:46:05,490 --> 00:46:09,659.997
The part of the trail where his body was, it was very wide.

560
00:46:10,9.997 --> 00:46:14,919.995
So we are- Mm spread out in a line like that, and everybody could see it pretty much.

561
00:46:15,789.995 --> 00:46:17,199.998
We could see everything.

562
00:46:17,699.999 --> 00:46:23,709.997
But we didn't go very close, so, like, details on the face and things like that I didn't see.

563
00:46:24,129.999 --> 00:46:24,459.999
Yeah.

564
00:46:24,570.002 --> 00:46:26,859.993
But we're not crying or anything.

565
00:46:26,859.995 --> 00:46:31,379.99
We're just looking and talking to each other and hugging.

566
00:46:31,570.002 --> 00:46:40,179.999
But then one paramedic took the blanket to cover, and that is when the coin kind of fell to my head.

567
00:46:40,189.997 --> 00:46:41,539.991
They cover his face.

568
00:46:41,570.002 --> 00:46:48,220
They cover his body, and that when everybody kind of lost it It was terrible.

569
00:46:48,730 --> 00:46:54,270
I think I didn't sleep for three nights because it was such a shock, nobody could sleep.

570
00:46:55,330 --> 00:47:00,090
It was so many calls and messages because the word spread kind of quick.

571
00:47:00,110 --> 00:47:07,859.999
I don't know how because we're like, "We cannot say anything yet in respect to his daughter, his son, and the wife."

572
00:47:08,170 --> 00:47:16,070
But I think the, on the WhatsApp, everything went through in the, all the rickshaws in India and everything.

573
00:47:16,109.999 --> 00:47:20,369.999
I don't know, everybody knew, and it was crazy.

574
00:47:20,379.999 --> 00:47:33,856
Yeah, it, it was just Yeah, it was really sad time also to see Sharada arriving the next day and so unexpected Yeah.

575
00:47:34,516 --> 00:47:40,676
And then they had a service, like a little service or a funeral for him with all of the students and the group that was there.

576
00:47:40,676 --> 00:47:47,916
Yeah, and there was a service, like Westernized, like normal Western service.

577
00:47:47,916 --> 00:47:56,285.999
So we could go and we could leave a flower close to his, how you say in English, cas- casket or- Casket, yeah.

578
00:47:56,285.999 --> 00:47:56,835.999
Yeah.

579
00:47:57,236 --> 00:48:00,225.999
So they had a casket for him and- Yeah, yeah.

580
00:48:00,515.999 --> 00:48:06,266.001
And we could say our, some words to, to the family.

581
00:48:07,346 --> 00:48:08,425.998
Also very sad.

582
00:48:09,655.998 --> 00:48:14,85.999
And they, they passed some video in some big screen.

583
00:48:14,85.999 --> 00:48:17,605.998
I don't remember much about the video, but it was of his teachings.

584
00:48:18,535.999 --> 00:48:18,715.997
Mm-hmm.

585
00:48:19,795.997 --> 00:48:24,75.999
Yeah, and then after that, I know many people went already to Mysore directly.

586
00:48:24,105.999 --> 00:48:25,206
I decided to...

587
00:48:26,175.998 --> 00:48:30,795.999
I had my tickets anyway to come home because I was supposed to go to Mysore only in January.

588
00:48:31,995.998 --> 00:48:32,315.998
Right.

589
00:48:32,846 --> 00:48:33,486
Yeah.

590
00:48:34,175.998 --> 00:48:36,775.998
Yeah, it changed everything for the community.

591
00:48:36,785.999 --> 00:48:37,215.999
Yeah.

592
00:48:37,326 --> 00:48:39,276
It seems like that day was a big shift.

593
00:48:39,375.995 --> 00:48:50,695.996
Yeah, I felt very sorry for Shruti and Shraddha and Sambhav because you don't think you're gonna lose somebody like that.

594
00:48:50,855.999 --> 00:48:54,266.001
You know, he was, I would say, relatively young.

595
00:48:55,506 --> 00:48:58,885.998
Yeah, he was super young actually, in the grand scheme of things.

596
00:48:58,896 --> 00:48:59,616
Yeah.

597
00:48:59,726.002 --> 00:49:08,725.995
And not only me, but many people, we had this kind of long-term plans like, "I'll practice with him for the next 35 years."

598
00:49:09,735.996 --> 00:49:14,795.999
35, the next 35 years I will be going to Mysore to practice with him or something.

599
00:49:14,796.001 --> 00:49:15,805.998
We're making those.

600
00:49:16,445.995 --> 00:49:21,855.997
The universe just laughs on our face when we make those type of- Yeah plans.

601
00:49:22,436.001 --> 00:49:22,866.001
Yeah.

602
00:49:23,186.001 --> 00:49:26,15.994
Do you wanna come say hi? Do you wanna come say hi for the end? Hello.

603
00:49:26,25.997 --> 00:49:27,256
Hi, Russell.

604
00:49:27,256 --> 00:49:28,185.998
Do you wanna come say hi to- Hi.

605
00:49:28,275.997 --> 00:49:29,315.998
Good morning to you.

606
00:49:30,315.998 --> 00:49:30,635.998
Hola.

607
00:49:31,256 --> 00:49:31,616
Hola.

608
00:49:31,965.999 --> 00:49:36,395.998
So that was, like, an incredible experience to be a part of.

609
00:49:36,396 --> 00:49:47,995.998
I'm sure you're very close with some of the people, even closer with some of the people that you were there with in Virginia when you had that experience, 'cause it seems like a very bonding experience.

610
00:49:48,605.999 --> 00:49:49,265.999
Yeah.

611
00:49:49,766.002 --> 00:49:50,726.003
Trauma bonds.

612
00:49:50,885.998 --> 00:50:22,295.997
But also, I would say the love of- Mm the practice and the appreciation and gratitude for the teachings I feel very bonded, but at the same time, as I said, I don't know when I will be back to Mysore, and maybe some of those people I will never gonna see again, or it will be super hard to see because only in Mysore it was that time that you can meet those friends and people, right? And when you stop going there, it's, you start losing a little bit the contact.

613
00:50:22,455.996 --> 00:50:23,495.997
Yeah, that's so true.

614
00:50:23,495.997 --> 00:50:23,525.997
That's so true.

615
00:50:23,921.996 --> 00:50:24,751.996
It's interesting.

616
00:50:24,751.996 --> 00:50:29,431.996
I, I sometimes feel like, and I don't know if you feel this way, Russell- Oh, do you wanna bring me into the conversation? since you're here.

617
00:50:30,671.996 --> 00:50:44,95.9416667
But like there's this time where you're going to Mysore, and it's almost like high school because, like, you're seeing the people every day, and you're doing- Yeah something that's very intense, and so you have these intense experiences together- Yeah and they feel very bonding.

618
00:50:44,525.9406667 --> 00:50:50,525.9406667
And at a certain period in my life, I think I would've said some of my best friends were from Mysore.

619
00:50:50,685.9396667 --> 00:50:52,935.9386667
Those were the people that I was the closest to.

620
00:50:52,955.9396667 --> 00:50:53,425.9396667
Yeah.

621
00:50:53,775.9396667 --> 00:51:04,696.1206667
But then I stopped really going to Mysore when my son was, like, five years old, and he's 15, almost 16 now, so it's been, like, 10 years.

622
00:51:04,706.1196667 --> 00:51:11,226.1186667
2017 was the last real trip that I had there of intense practice time.

623
00:51:11,856.1166667 --> 00:51:17,986.1186667
And, and it is true- Mm-hmm you, the depth of some of the relationships is always there.

624
00:51:18,116.1196667 --> 00:51:22,586.1196667
If we connect and talk, it feels like- Mm-hmm oh, this my brother, this my sister.

625
00:51:22,586.1196667 --> 00:51:24,826.1166667
You have that kind of feeling of family.

626
00:51:25,6.1186667 --> 00:51:25,696.1186667
Mirmao.

627
00:51:26,346.1186667 --> 00:51:29,326.1186667
Mirmao? Mir- Yes.

628
00:51:29,886.1186667 --> 00:51:31,66.1186667
He's trying his Portuguese.

629
00:51:31,246.1206667 --> 00:51:34,366.1146667
You do kind of lose contact a little bit.

630
00:51:34,386.1196667 --> 00:51:34,706.1196667
Yeah.

631
00:51:34,726.1156667 --> 00:51:41,312.7763333
Like, life moves on- Yeah and then you develop other relationships, and other- Yeah things become, more important even.

632
00:51:41,312.7763333 --> 00:51:49,542.7753333
Yeah, it's kind of bittersweet I have a question about that actually for both of you, but to our guest, Bianca, and I'm very late to this conversation.

633
00:51:50,222.7753333 --> 00:51:54,789.451
W- Harmony and I were talking about this yesterday, You're Brazilian, not Portuguese, yeah? Brazilian.

634
00:51:54,912.7843333 --> 00:51:55,752.7843333
No, I'm Brazilian.

635
00:51:56,162.7843333 --> 00:51:56,492.7843333
Yeah.

636
00:51:56,702.7803333 --> 00:51:58,192.7793333
I was colonized by them.

637
00:51:59,492.7813333 --> 00:52:04,572.7783333
So I don't know if you've ever had a chance to go to the forest and be with ayahuasca or anything like that.

638
00:52:04,762.7773333 --> 00:52:08,42.7833333
No, in, in Brazil there are lots of ayahuasca centers.

639
00:52:08,82.7773333 --> 00:52:11,572.7773333
I was never interested in doing.

640
00:52:11,572.7833333 --> 00:52:12,522.7773333
My father did.

641
00:52:12,562.7803333 --> 00:52:18,52.7823333
He was curious about it, and there is a center close to his house, and decided to go.

642
00:52:18,542.7763333 --> 00:52:20,922.7813333
Um, so he shared his experience.

643
00:52:20,972.7773333 --> 00:52:22,822.7773333
He said that was very intense.

644
00:52:22,832.7773333 --> 00:52:23,982.7833333
It took many hours.

645
00:52:24,12.7853333 --> 00:52:27,462.7773333
And actually, in Brazil, those clinics, they take serious.

646
00:52:27,492.7813333 --> 00:52:28,122.7833333
It's not clinic.

647
00:52:28,122.7863333 --> 00:52:29,112.7813333
It's like centers.

648
00:52:29,422.7733333 --> 00:52:31,652.7733333
So they interview you before.

649
00:52:31,732.7863333 --> 00:52:47,70.7823333
They want to know what is your vision for this- Journey thing, and what it, journey, what is your goals and- He had his first session and he told me it takes, I don't know, five hours long or something.

650
00:52:47,260.7823333 --> 00:52:50,700.7823333
And he loves to drink beer.

651
00:52:50,990.7813333 --> 00:52:57,620.7823333
What is interesting is after the session, he felt like he could not even smell beer.

652
00:52:57,840.7823333 --> 00:53:00,990.7813333
So for a few months he could not drink anything.

653
00:53:01,40.7813333 --> 00:53:05,270.7823333
So I think that is kind of like a cleansing process that was happening.

654
00:53:06,0.7823333 --> 00:53:10,740.7813333
But the thing is, you need to commit at least three times a week.

655
00:53:11,550.7813333 --> 00:53:14,330.7823333
So for him it was like just one time thing.

656
00:53:14,340.7803333 --> 00:53:21,560.7793333
He's, "I don't have time and energy to go three times a week there and spend five hours, and I like my beer."

657
00:53:21,560.7813333 --> 00:53:27,430.7813333
And but he said that he had a good kind of His, like a good trip.

658
00:53:28,380.7813333 --> 00:53:39,10.7813333
Lots of people, they cry, they vomit, they suffer somehow and, but he had a more like li- yeah, he had a more like a playful, I would say, uh- Experience.

659
00:53:39,40.7813333 --> 00:53:40,100.7823333
Wow trip.

660
00:53:40,100.7823333 --> 00:53:53,810.7783333
I w- I would- Yeah what to bring up about it is the structure of having an interview, having an intention, having a very difficult, profound experience, and then you integrate through your life.

661
00:53:54,770.7803333 --> 00:54:01,580.7813333
And my criticism of Mysore- Mm in the way that I approached it, is that I had none of those things.

662
00:54:02,170.7823333 --> 00:54:10,60.7843333
I went, I was like in grade school, I was at party, it was all party, and it was like endless gossip all day long.

663
00:54:10,800.7793333 --> 00:54:19,610.7823333
And yet we're having this very profound suffering in the morning that's really quite intense and spiritual with...

664
00:54:19,690.7783333 --> 00:54:25,110.7803333
And then just release all the prana all day just gossiping with Susan Hounshell.

665
00:54:25,430.7763333 --> 00:54:26,390.7773333
That was my life.

666
00:54:27,210.7833333 --> 00:54:39,560.7813333
And- so I would do it, if I was gonna do it over, I would approach it with the same kind of intention that I did ayahuasca, which is I don't th- I don't think I would go to Tina's for breakfast.

667
00:54:39,560.7813333 --> 00:54:41,210.7803333
I wouldn't go to Susan's for lunch.

668
00:54:41,240.7813333 --> 00:54:47,769.7823333
I would just try to stay by myself for months Does that- Mm-hmm.

669
00:54:47,769.7823333 --> 00:54:48,554.7823333
Mm-hmm yeah.

670
00:54:48,604.7823333 --> 00:54:49,714.7823333
They are on- Works better.

671
00:54:49,734.7823333 --> 00:54:52,584.7823333
I think it would work better that way private retreat Yeah.

672
00:54:53,684.7823333 --> 00:54:56,54.7823333
But y- we also heal in community.

673
00:54:56,54.7823333 --> 00:55:01,694.7813333
I mean, community is very important actually for the healing process, to be witnessed in your process.

674
00:55:01,704.7823333 --> 00:55:01,724.7823333
Yeah.

675
00:55:01,734.7823333 --> 00:55:03,884.7813333
Not just, you can't actually heal all alone.

676
00:55:03,894.7823333 --> 00:55:06,574.7813333
You need to heal in relationship and in community.

677
00:55:06,574.7813333 --> 00:55:10,414.7813333
But the, but like having like a circle of people, having an intentional share would've been great.

678
00:55:10,444.7813333 --> 00:55:10,734.7813333
Yeah.

679
00:55:10,734.7823333 --> 00:55:11,114.7823333
Okay.

680
00:55:11,494.7823333 --> 00:55:11,844.7823333
But that was not what was happening.

681
00:55:14,614.7813333 --> 00:55:14,934.7813333
Yeah.

682
00:55:15,154.7823333 --> 00:55:15,774.7813333
No, yeah.

683
00:55:15,954.7813333 --> 00:55:18,704.7823333
The gossips can get, the groups of gossips can get...

684
00:55:18,944.7813333 --> 00:55:28,404.7803333
I remember during COVID times, Shuraji, he was saying like, "Come to practice, go immediately to your room.

685
00:55:28,774.7823333 --> 00:55:30,484.7813333
Stop going places and gossiping.

686
00:55:30,494.7803333 --> 00:55:31,144.7823333
Stop talking."

687
00:55:31,154.7803333 --> 00:55:31,174.7803333
Yeah.

688
00:55:31,174.7803333 --> 00:55:32,424.7833333
"Keep your prana to yourself.

689
00:55:32,684.7823333 --> 00:55:33,944.7793333
Go immediately to your room.

690
00:55:33,974.7793333 --> 00:55:36,844.7813333
Don't go everywhere to-" That's good to talk to other people."

691
00:55:37,434.7823333 --> 00:55:37,454.7823333
Yeah.

692
00:55:37,534.7813333 --> 00:55:38,624.7813333
Stop talking."

693
00:55:39,554.7813333 --> 00:55:39,574.7813333
Yeah.

694
00:55:40,84.7803333 --> 00:55:50,274.7793333
He was scared that we're gonna get COVID- Um and spread, but I, I think also he had a point that he knew there was lots of talking on the Santosha Cafe and Tina's- Santosha Cafe and this and that.

695
00:55:50,994.7803333 --> 00:55:51,384.7803333
Anyway.

696
00:55:51,394.7813333 --> 00:55:51,924.7823333
That's what I think.

697
00:55:52,334.7843333 --> 00:55:53,84.7773333
They should close that down.

698
00:55:53,84.7773333 --> 00:56:01,93.7823333
Yeah But you know, it was good for business because the longer people were there gossiping and drinking chai and eating, more money they were making, so- Yeah.

699
00:56:01,93.7823333 --> 00:56:01,248.7823333
Interesting.

700
00:56:01,248.7823333 --> 00:56:03,538.7823333
That's why I think it's those shops that were the problem.

701
00:56:03,755.449 --> 00:56:05,395.449
Yes, it was not us.

702
00:56:05,475.449 --> 00:56:08,125.449
It was not the practitioners for sure.

703
00:56:08,205.449 --> 00:56:10,215.449
Yeah, I think they do it differently at Santo Daime.

704
00:56:11,485.448 --> 00:56:12,115.448
They do it right.

705
00:56:12,735.448 --> 00:56:18,245.449
Yeah, you have to go to Brazil or the Amazon or the Peruvian, Peruvian side, they do there.

706
00:56:18,785.449 --> 00:56:20,645.449
Just don't get tricked- There are tricksters by some Right.

707
00:56:21,285.449 --> 00:56:22,665.447
Right? Oh my gosh.

708
00:56:22,665.447 --> 00:56:22,835.447
In Gokulam.

709
00:56:22,835.447 --> 00:56:24,655.449
In Gokulam there are tricksters.

710
00:56:24,655.449 --> 00:56:25,125.448
Yeah.

711
00:56:25,205.448 --> 00:56:25,815.45
It's true.

712
00:56:26,25.448 --> 00:56:26,505.446
It's true.

713
00:56:27,515.45 --> 00:56:29,705.449
In the end everybody dies, so it doesn't matter.

714
00:56:29,815.449 --> 00:56:30,515.45
Yeah, it's true.

715
00:56:30,515.45 --> 00:56:31,855.45
I think I feel her.

716
00:56:32,15.45 --> 00:56:34,505.446
You can feel it, right? She's one of our sisters.

717
00:56:34,505.447 --> 00:56:34,885.447
Yeah.

718
00:56:35,415.447 --> 00:56:37,215.445
We, we've shared this experience.

719
00:56:37,745.449 --> 00:56:38,125.449
Yeah.

720
00:56:38,645.446 --> 00:56:39,355.448
I feel you, Bianca.

721
00:56:40,245.449 --> 00:56:40,695.449
Yeah.

722
00:56:40,695.449 --> 00:56:53,775.449
I think that's the whole point of spiritual practice is to, as we talked about it sort of at the beginning, become more acquainted with, more accustomed to, more comfortable with impermanence.

723
00:56:54,35.45 --> 00:56:54,485.45
Yeah.

724
00:56:54,485.45 --> 00:56:54,925.449
Yeah, definitely.

725
00:56:54,925.449 --> 00:56:56,995.447
The fact that nothing lasts forever.

726
00:56:57,145.45 --> 00:57:08,995.445
Not our bodies, not our communities- Yeah not our guru, not our practices, and it's the only thing that we can really depend upon is the impermanence of all things.

727
00:57:09,785.45 --> 00:57:11,405.444
I've managed to keep my hair, though.

728
00:57:11,465.45 --> 00:57:12,355.447
Yeah, it's true.

729
00:57:13,265.445 --> 00:57:13,965.443
So far so good.

730
00:57:13,985.443 --> 00:57:14,525.443
Mm.

731
00:57:14,825.443 --> 00:57:16,115.443
It will change.

732
00:57:16,285.443 --> 00:57:16,375.443
It will change.

733
00:57:16,375.443 --> 00:57:17,945.443
That's all we know, right? Yeah.

734
00:57:18,5.443 --> 00:57:21,175.443
And I think being a mother you really see that.

735
00:57:21,215.442 --> 00:57:29,625.443
It's such a beautiful, deep practice of really witnessing impermanence, 'cause you watch your children grow up and they change so quickly.

736
00:57:29,915.447 --> 00:57:30,365.447
Yeah.

737
00:57:30,365.447 --> 00:57:40,915.445
Suddenly they are more independent and their personalities start shaping the way that it's unexpected and, yeah, things start just changing around.

738
00:57:42,115.444 --> 00:57:48,708.7773333
Uh, recently my grandmother died, she was really old, but it always impact us somehow, right? Nothing is forever.

739
00:57:48,848.7833333 --> 00:57:53,438.7733333
Me too, my grandmother died recently too, so- And we just- we're on the same path there yeah.

740
00:57:53,518.7803333 --> 00:57:56,768.7663333
Yeah, I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was very sad.

741
00:57:56,768.7763333 --> 00:57:59,408.7713333
I was like, "Mom, she was almost 100 years old.

742
00:58:00,408.7773333 --> 00:58:01,428.7703333
keep her forever.

743
00:58:01,428.7813333 --> 00:58:14,248.7813333
Her body was not functioning anymore, so we just need to let them go, you know?" But beautiful relationships, they stay somehow even though they're not physically present, but you still- Yeah.

744
00:58:14,648.7823333 --> 00:58:17,738.7803333
Well- hold so many memories and- Yeah and moments.

745
00:58:17,768.7783333 --> 00:58:18,138.7783333
Yeah.

746
00:58:18,138.7783333 --> 00:58:25,89.447
It's so nice to have those memories and moments, and also- Yeah, that lesson in all things coming and going.

747
00:58:25,479.447 --> 00:58:25,619.447
Yeah.

748
00:58:25,819.447 --> 00:58:27,179.447
Even the- Even, even the hair.

749
00:58:27,389.447 --> 00:58:28,819.447
Unless you go to Turkey.

750
00:58:29,109.447 --> 00:58:34,149.446
Maybe in 20 years or so, if you lose, you go there, and they do some implants or something.

751
00:58:34,409.446 --> 00:58:34,439.446
Okay.

752
00:58:34,439.447 --> 00:58:35,189.446
That's good advice.

753
00:58:35,219.447 --> 00:58:36,319.446
You've got lots of good advice.

754
00:58:37,199.447 --> 00:58:37,959.447
Not really.

755
00:58:39,269.447 --> 00:58:39,759.447
Not really.

756
00:58:39,789.447 --> 00:58:40,299.447
Beautiful.

757
00:58:40,499.446 --> 00:58:42,99.447
I hope to make it to Poland.

758
00:58:42,99.447 --> 00:58:46,939.446
Where in Poland are you? Can you tell everyone? I am in the south of Poland, in Katowice.

759
00:58:47,109.447 --> 00:58:48,279.447
You're welcome- Oh to come.

760
00:58:48,359.447 --> 00:58:55,799.448
There is a, I would say, big community of practitioners now in Krak��w, which is one hour away from here.

761
00:58:56,319.446 --> 00:59:00,469.447
It's also, like, very old city- Ah that can be interesting for tourists.

762
00:59:01,219.447 --> 00:59:03,789.448
One day, I wanna go to Canada to visit the national parks.

763
00:59:04,439.445 --> 00:59:06,979.445
Yes, and you should come this summer or the spring- Come now or the autumn.

764
00:59:06,979.445 --> 00:59:07,19.445
It's, it's nice now.

765
00:59:07,19.445 --> 00:59:07,199.447
You visit.

766
00:59:07,219.447 --> 00:59:09,179.445
You can- Yeah stay here on the big red couch.

767
00:59:09,299.445 --> 00:59:10,119.446
It's very nice.

768
00:59:10,149.448 --> 00:59:10,399.448
Yeah.

769
00:59:10,399.448 --> 00:59:12,379.4461429
All of our guests are welcome on the big red couch.

770
00:59:12,379.4461429 --> 00:59:12,499.4467143
All right.

771
00:59:12,499.4467143 --> 00:59:12,939.447
With the dog.

772
00:59:12,949.447 --> 00:59:13,399.445
With the dog.

773
00:59:13,399.445 --> 00:59:13,459.445
Exactly.

774
00:59:13,459.445 --> 00:59:14,439.446
The dog will love you.

775
00:59:14,439.446 --> 00:59:21,909.446
Tell everyone where they can come and find you if they're traveling through Poland, they wanna stop, or if they wanna come to one of your retreats or workshops.

776
00:59:22,439.449 --> 00:59:23,319.443
So I'm in Katowice.

777
00:59:24,179.446 --> 00:59:27,709.449
I have a website, ashtangayogakatowice.com.

778
00:59:29,545.447 --> 00:59:31,725.447
Or can find on the Instagram Bianca Yoga.

779
00:59:31,855.447 --> 00:59:39,305.446
I have the link there for the website because Katowice is written a little weird, so not everybody knows how to get to that And we'll put all of that in the show notes.

780
00:59:39,305.447 --> 00:59:39,515.447
Yeah.

781
00:59:39,565.446 --> 00:59:40,685.446
So I teach here.

782
00:59:41,185.446 --> 00:59:42,245.446
We'll link everything.

783
00:59:42,575.447 --> 00:59:43,585.446
I teach online.

784
00:59:43,605.446 --> 00:59:50,195.447
You teach online, too? Yeah, I teach on my store online on the lunchtime, like 1:30 in the Central Europe time.

785
00:59:55,875.446 --> 01:00:06,825.445
So as we come to a close, I just want to invite you to think about what yoga truly is, what it means to you.

786
01:00:07,505.447 --> 01:00:21,745.445
It's not simply about becoming more flexible or stronger or more accomplished, but it really is about coming to embody ourselves and know ourselves more fully.

787
01:00:22,75.447 --> 01:00:40,575.449
It's the integration of our whole personality so that there's no rejected or missing parts or pieces of ourself, but they're all welcome, and we're inviting a wholeness of who we are into our lived daily experience.

788
01:00:41,335.449 --> 01:00:58,285.447
The practice really reminds us that beneath all of the changing circumstances of life, beneath the transience, the coming and the going, there is something truly steady, truly eternal, aware, and ever-present.

789
01:00:58,705.444 --> 01:01:07,245.447
And if you would like to explore this experience in person, then I welcome you to come join me in Portugal.

790
01:01:07,415.443 --> 01:01:13,555.446
We're starting next week in Lisbon and then moving to Faro for July.

791
01:01:13,965.446 --> 01:01:20,285.445
And this is a very deep immersion into the heart of yoga.

792
01:01:20,295.448 --> 01:01:30,655.443
Philosophy, breath, movement, understanding how the elements live in your bodies, how the energetic centers connect to the elements and to your breath and to your body.

793
01:01:30,915.443 --> 01:01:33,565.445
It's gonna be a really, really profound journey.

794
01:01:33,565.445 --> 01:01:40,765.446
I'm so excited to share this body of work and these teachings with all of the students who decide to join us.

795
01:01:42,75.439 --> 01:02:09,869.447
And remember that sometimes the most meaningful transformations don't actually happen by working harder or striving for more, but that truly transformation occurs when we slow down enough to listen and to be guided towards what is really important I hope to see you soon.

796
01:02:10,149.447 --> 01:02:12,279.447
I hope to meet you in person in Portugal.

797
01:02:12,639.447 --> 01:02:22,309.447
And until next time, keep practicing, keep loving life, live life to the fullest, and find harmony.

798
01:02:23,199.447 --> 01:02:23,819.447
That's it.

799
01:02:24,79.447 --> 01:02:27,679.447
We've concluded another episode of the Finding Harmony podcast.

800
01:02:28,189.447 --> 01:02:34,699.446
I just wanna thank you so much for doing the work that changes the world, starting with yourself.

801
01:02:35,39.447 --> 01:02:38,379.447
It truly does make a huge difference.

802
01:02:39,239.446 --> 01:02:46,339.445
Please make sure you have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes.

803
01:02:46,739.448 --> 01:02:50,189.445
I have so much more magic I can't wait to share with you.

804
01:02:50,939.445 --> 01:02:58,699.446
Lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you, so come on over and say hello @findingharmonypodcast.

805
01:02:58,699.447 --> 01:03:06,199.445
And you can also come say hello to me personally at harmonyslaterofficial.

806
01:03:06,549.445 --> 01:03:08,429.445
Thank you again for being here.

807
01:03:08,639.446 --> 01:03:12,759.447
I cannot wait to share more with you in our next episode